Hey Kurz, F**k You: A Love Letter

Another year, another year of “Patrick Marleau Is Going To Leave The San Jose Sharks For Good Because He Is The Source Of All Of Their Problems” and all I have to say is, fuck off Kevin Kurz. “Yeah so the San Jose Sharks are the only reason that I’m not a Subway Sandwich Artist, but…

History Lessons With The Canafornians: The Boston B Party

As a regular reader of this blog periodical, you are no doubt well aware of this institution’s reputation as the gold standard in historical preservation and re-telling. Yes, from our work documenting the deep rooted and often times turbulent friendship between poet and clergyman Thomas Washbourne (1606-1687) and New York Rangers scribe Stan Fischler, to…

Pacific Grim: This Shit Again?

it’s Tuesday, we’re writing this while I make a succulent turkey meatloaf and stace sits eternally in the perpetuity of Seattle traffic, and like…DIDN’T WE JUST FUCKING DO THIS? Safe to say we’re phoning it in today. I’m still trying to forget the last time these two Pacific Division rivals and subjects of a very…

Pacific Grim – Hockey’s Brightest Sons

Remember Pacific Grim? I didn’t either, I had to look back at past versions of the famed Canafornians three team only Pacific Division matchup feature to remember just exactly what the hell we did for these things. Turns out the format, mostly, is nonexistent. It’s just two out of the three of us getting into…

Canafornians Gameday: The Farts Awaken

promise you there will be literally no more Star Wars talk in this post. With tonight being the last night of NHL action before the Christmas break (also known as the “Almost Nobody In The Movie Theater” Break depending on your feelings on now only vaguely Christian holiday plans), and with two of the three…

Sharks’ Fan Favorite Raffi Torres Suspended for 41 Games

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha Whatever will San Jose do without the prince of darkness? His pentagram encrusted mitts gave us a total of 5 regular season goals over the past two years. It may not be much, but it’s impressive considering that the host body of the anti-christ has never been given the opportunity to play hockey before. The…

Trevor Gillies Is A Big Ol’ Piece Of Shit

I’m sure this comes as a big shock to you Hi, Canafornians, I come to you tonight as a Flames fan outraged and embarrassed. Mostly embarrassed. And for reasons parallel to the usual! I’m here to gripe about Trevor Gillies, alleged hockey player, confirmed sociopath, and overall menace to civilization. Basically I’m saying this guy…

View From The Other Other Side: Flames @ Blues with Mike Darnay

Your Calgary Flames, fresh off a back to back set with long time rivals and Guardians of the Royal Commission of Trash against Vancouver and Edmonton, hit the ice again tonight for a tilt with the maybe-improved-but-probably-not-really-but-still-actually-damn-good St. Louis Blues. Kind of an expected debut to the season for the Flames. Both games had it’s…

Mike Modano vs. Stace: The Sequel

Hello there Canafornians! Boy it has been a long time! Haterz said we were done but *cue The Carpenters* we’ve only just begun. I’ve been enjoying the summer solstice and trying to avoid all things Sharks hockey. I spent a week with floobz & jean and while I don’t want to bore you with the…

We’re Back! A Canafornian’s Story

Greetings, Canafornians! *three cord guitar riff plays in background* it’s beeeeeeen awhileeeeeeeee Okay, now that I got that out of my system, let me tell you, there has been some major changes within Canafornia since we last attempted to do any sort of writing. Granted, we actually have continued writing, but not together and for…