Sharks Gameday: The Gang Gets Elbowed

April 3rd, 2017

Hello Canafornians!

Boy have I missed the NHL season….no reason why. None what-so-ever. Nope. I hope there is never a three week mid-season lockout ever again, guys. Anyway, tonight we FINALLY get to watch Sharks hockey for the first time in what feels like a long while. We also get to welcome back Logan Couture and everyone’s favorite pacific division dickhead, Raffi Torres!


For those who may not know this (mostly because Dustin Brown has taken up so much of my time lately), I am president of the Raffi Torres Hate Club™. Torres getting traded to the Sharks nearly eleven months ago essentially led to me dry heaving into a toilet on my lunch break at work.

His first eleven regular season games with the San Jose Sharks were a pleasant surprise, he was seemingly effective without having to put anyone in a stretcher! Fear not, I was still not convinced. Next, a trip to the Western Conference Quarterfinals to face the Vancouver Canucks, and wait a second, he scores a game winning goal? HAS RAFFI TORRES MIRACULOUSLY RECOVERED FROM HIS THUGGISH WAYS?

/fast forwards to game one of the Western Conference Semifinals


Good job, good effort, Raffi.

Now, a lot of Sharks fans will argue that it was a total reputation suspension. Maybe it was….but it doesn’t change anything. Once a douche rocket, always a douche rocket.


Torres was suspended for the rest of the series, the Sharks lost in seven to Los Angeles. Fast forward to preseason, and Torres gets a nasty knee injury that sidelines him for 6 months. There were rumors that he would be back after the three week mid-season lockout and the rumors were true. Now for those who believe that history repeats itself, or those who just follow the NHL in general, it is inevitable that Torres will end up getting suspended again. The real questions that the Canafornians have are: 1) When is this going to happen?  2) Who is it going to happen to? and  3) How long will the suspension be this time? We decided to get charty with our predictions with a friendly office pool!

I made this with the purpose to be stolen and used by you, Canafornians. If you do use this, please submit you and your buddies’ guesses to us via the blog or twitter! We’d like to see how everyone’s predictions pan out! Maybe if you, the reader, gets the most points, you’ll get a super special prize!

Although Floob and Jean are my favorite bloggers in the whole entire world (we are best friends, deal with it), I decided to invite my second very, very favorite* Pacific Division bloggers** to put their guessing skills to the test.

*I don’t really know Bagged Milk but he is probably a nice guy and Jean tells me funny stories about him sometimes.

**I legitimately do not follow a single person who follows the Canucks or the Coyotes.

As the games pass, we will be tracking our scores, our blogger friends’ scores, and your scores, so make sure to follow along! The suspension of Raffi Torres, whether legitimate (spoiler: it will be) or based off reputation, is going to happen. Just embrace it, kick your friends’ asses, and make some cash in the meantime! Also, make sure to follow all my blogging buddies listed above because they are awesome and took time out of their busy, pants-less schedules to help us out!

-Stace out

PS – The Sharks play the Flyers today

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