Day Late Game Recap!

April 3rd, 2017

Yeah I meant to do this last night, but you know, tired and whatnot.

The game last night was great. Your Calgary Flames are now on a 4 game win streak, the idiot subsection of Flames fans are really hurting because they want to see the team go 0-82 (because, you know, they like sports and the theory of competition and all of that), and Joe Thornton showed us his cock. Mikael Backlund continues to roll, the Top 4 D are all healthy and looking good, especially on the power play, and we never have to see Shane O’Brien again. I should be happy.

But I’m a petty man.

And my enjoyment of last night’s game was nearly ruined by the local broadcast of which I will not name here because I want to feign the idea of taking the higher road (while I yell at these assholes)

You may remember some time back (and you may not because it was actually a while ago now), the Flames found themselves in a little dust up with fellow long time Pacific Division rival Vancouver Canucks (puke), a little brouhaha that involved in an opening puck drop Thug Battle Royale, an irate Henry Winkler charging the Flames dressing room, and Clint Malarchuk’s open desire to want to eat human flesh.

That occurred on January 18th, nearly two weeks to last night’s game against the San Jose Sharks, who you may or may not remember, were not involved in that game with the Canucks. The Flames happen to be 4-1 since Brian McGrattan, Kevin Westgarth, and Blair Jones (<3) played 2 seconds in a game where Calgary lost in a shootout. It’s a thing that has happened.

There are some who like to think, with enough incoherent blunder to rival a YouTube comments section, that the success the Flames have enjoyed since that Vancouver war zone is directly attributed to it’s very existence. It’s quite annoying.

Earlier in the day I was reading the hilarious Fedoragate Reddit, where a redditor was shocked, nay, AGHAST with the knowledge that, generally speaking, women aren’t attracted to fedora wearing douchebags who flaunt a faux persona of a charming but generally antiquated and archaic gentleman. No, really.

The funny part was there were one or two women who replied that essentially thought it was okay, and that led him to focus on that minority when the site was awash with contrary opinion. It was hilarious. And there was one comment from a redditor that really said it all:

You seem…oddly determined to make this thing work.

Yup. And that resonated with me while I was watching the Flames game, as that was the chord that was struck for the entirety of the game on, let’s call it NOT Sportsnet West.

There was endless chatter from the talking heads, asking questions of every player who stood by to do an intermission interview:

“Is the line brawl that happened almost two weeks ago as inconsequential as everyone thinks, or can I get you to say something vague barely affirming the validity of this hackneyed and lazy theory the producers of this show are trying to get me to shill?”

“Um…yeah, it was fun, I guess”

and so forth.

I don’t get why there’s this need to push such a narrative down the throat of the players and the viewers of the game. Maybe you want to find something a little more interesting than the truth – that any professional sports team will go through high points and lows over the course of a long season, that the team is playing within the system that was laid out for them and it’s yielding results, that they’ve been outworking other teams, and sometimes the bounces just go your way – but why is THIS the one they’re landing on?

It’s so tired. And so lazy. Why have access to the players if you refuse to do anything interesting with it? Do they honestly think the fanbase is that meatheaded that they’ll just collectively bond around this mythical power of a Royal Rumble that occurred in a game where the Flames lost? I don’t doubt that the team got a kick out of it, and that maybe they’re a bit tighter as a group, but man, skill is skill, work is work, and at the end of the day, teams win games based off of that, and if you don’t have it, all the camaraderie in the world won’t help you.

To say nothing of how they only think Mikael Backlund is NOW developing into form, despite the evidence surrounding it for years, and that he’s playing with a high level of confidence that he wouldn’t have employed even days before. It’s almost as if anchoring Backlund on the team’s 4th line with a couple of Stonehenge figures as linemates, thus ensuring that he’d be hemmed in his own end for an entire shift (and performing admirably defensively within it, by the by), would deter his confidence offensively. But then, hey, these are the guys that have single handedly guided the Flames to their 4 game win streak by punching a bunch of people several days ago, so that’s all on you Backlund.

The fans all see this stuff. Hell, fans of OTHER TEAMS see this stuff when they play the Flames…why are the people with a bird’s eye view of every moment surrounding this team so blind to it?

I’m not even going to talk about them singing the praises of Joe Colborne, holy fuck.

Now I did say it almost ruined the game for me. ALMOST. Instead of going on the twitter and complaining about it (I mean I still did, but I wanted to complain more), I just found another hobby instead. Here, let me show you.

I don’t know if it’s art, but I like it. And look, it caught on! Our good friend Jen Mac (more from her later!) got into it as well:

I don’t have a good name for this. Marleauing isn’t going to cut it. If you’re imaginative, help a brother out.

I won two bets on this game, as Sharks fans didn’t think lightning could possibly strike twice in Alberta. As a result, this is Stace’s twitter avatar today:

It’s crude and weird looking, and I like it. I came up with the idea after our friends at Matchsticks and Gasoline commented that Patrick Marleau is the kind of guy that would have a misspelled tattoo, and damn it, they’re probably right.

The other bet I won is with Jen Mac herself, who had to write a poem saying very nice things about the Calgary Flames. Which she did. And it’s awesome. I’ll post it a bit later today.

And the Flames won. That’s the big part. And the Sharks lost. Which is hilarious.

What else can I say? How about I end with some doozies from this list of 102 Shark Jokes:

Q: What is the average sharks favorite movie
A: The Shaw-Shark Redemption

Q: why do sharks wear shoes

Q: why did the mommy shark and daddy shark get divorced
A: they no longer loved each other

Q: What was the sharks favorite Orson Welles movie
A: Citizen Kane-i-kokala

Q: Why do sharks chew gum?
A: For the Bazooka Joe comic

Okay, that’s quite enough of that.

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