Well, we’re here guys. It is game 6, we’re here and it sucks but we’re here so lets do this together. Shoutout to everyone who said this series was going to be like the 2011 semifinals all over again; I hate your stupid pessimistic guts. I’m the most negative Nancy you’ll ever meet and I still thought that this series was going to be closed out in 5 games. I hope you all get the most acidic diarrhea ever.
“FOOL ME ONCE, shame on you, FOOL ME TWICE, shut the fuck up, I hate you.” – Aristotle
I’m not going to completely blame the jerks who thought this was going to be like 2011, nor am I going to blame my team for completely shitting the bed; I’m going to blame myself because I believe I am Sharks kryptonite. I’m not a superstitious by any means (I break mirrors for shits and giggles), but I’m a bit of a weirdo when it comes to gambling and sports.
For instance, as you will learn during the summer time, I venture to Vegas quite often, and gambling is my favorite thing in the whole world. Once I discover something that works and helps me win, I have to do it every single time, and it tends to work. I have several superstitions for my favorite game, Craps, which I’m sure many of you do as well.
My superstitions for Craps (heh, that sounds funny):
1) I have to bet nine and five no matter what because Dolly Parton. For some reason, this bet hits at least three times every roller and I’m usually the only person who bets it because all of the dorks are betting six and eight.
2) I have to wear a Dolly Parton shirt because duh
3) I have to drink whiskey-ginger ales
4) I have to turn the dice have to add up to five before I roll it
5) I have to rub the dice on the table before I roll it
6) I always have to bet behind the pass line (which is pretty normal)
7) NO SUCKER BETS. I’ve never done a sucker bet and I never will. Hard eight my ass.
I’m kind of a weirdo but it works, so why not be a little crazy if it is going to make you money. I’ve lost A LOT of money when I didn’t follow my superstitions. Now lets talk Sharks; I have several superstitions when it comes to this hockey team during the playoffs but they are a little bit harder to follow at times because selfishness and laziness tends to get in the way.
My San Jose Sharks playoff superstitions:
1) Wear my Logan Couture shirsey. I don’t know why I even bother wearing anything else during the playoffs. Remember when Couture failed to clear during game 2 of the semifinals last year? Yeah, I was wearing a goddamn blank jersey. Idiot. Every Sharks game I’ve gone to in the past two years (in southern California), I have not worn that shirt, and they haven’t won. IDIOT.
2) Say no to Staples Center. Staples Center is an evil place filled with Sharks demons and celebrities. I love the shit out of Larry David but if I had to choose between not meeting him or hanging out with him at Staples Center, I would pick not meeting him. I have not seen the Sharks win at Staples Center since the 4-0 comeback in 2011, OVER THREE YEARS AGO. I went to three playoff games at Staples last year and the Sharks scored ONE FUCKING GOAL. IDIOT.
3) If I’m out watching the game, I have to watch it at Oggi’s and I have to drink pomegranite margaritas. If I’m at home, I have to drink my specialty (whiskey, lemonade & a splash of ginger ale). Games four and five, I was out of ginger ale so I substituted it for sprite. IDIOT.
4) No looney tunes apparel. I love the shit out of my Sharks looney tunes shirts but they are dripping with bad luck and usually soaking with tears by the end of the game. IDIOT.
5) The drunker I get, the drunker the team seems to play. Know yer limit, Stace. IDIOT.
6) My newest superstition in which I have come to realize over the past couple of days is that apparently I have to do game day posts. I did not write one for game four or five because I was sick and lazy. This is probably the only reason why I am writing a post now. Even after game four I was like “damn, should have written a post” but did I write one for the next game? No. Did they win the next game? Not even close. IDIOT.
Well, as long as I follow my rules, nothing bad will happen, right? RIGHT????