Pacific Grim – Hockey’s Brightest Sons


This is a really weird thermometer. Don’t ever buy it

Remember Pacific Grim? I didn’t either, I had to look back at past versions of the famed Canafornians three team only Pacific Division matchup feature to remember just exactly what the hell we did for these things. Turns out the format, mostly, is nonexistent. It’s just two out of the three of us getting into verbal jousts against each other and making fart jokes. Kinda like your twitter timeline, but without any character limits.

(though the character limits are still pretty low here, because I’m lazy and my command of the english language is only barely passable. luv to denigrate my character on line) Continue reading


Hey Kurz, Fuck You: A Love Letter

Another year, another year of “Patrick Marleau Is Going To Leave The San Jose Sharks For Good Because He Is The Source Of All Of Their Problems” and all I have to say is, fuck off Kevin Kurz.

“Yeah so the San Jose Sharks are the only reason that I’m not a Subway Sandwich Artist, but I’m going to make up bullshit about their franchise player just to remind you that no matter how hard you work to get a job in this industry, my baseless lies are going to keep me in business and you’ll just have to keep writing for your small time blogs until your eyes bleed and you realize that chasing after a hockey job is a waste of time” – Kevin Kurz

That quote is 100% true, or maybe it isn’t, I’m just going to say that it is because facts absolutely do not matter whatsoever, so why bother?
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Sharks’ Fan Favorite Raffi Torres Suspended for 41 Games


Whatever will San Jose do without the prince of darkness? His pentagram encrusted mitts gave us a total of 5 regular season goals over the past two years. It may not be much, but it’s impressive considering that the host body of the anti-christ has never been given the opportunity to play hockey before. The suspension is really just a slap in the face for those who worship the devil.

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The San Jose Sharks As Actual Joses


Welcome, friends, to what is known as hockey blogging in late August. The postseason well off behind us on a distant, backwards facing horizon, of whose direction you never again intend on looking in. The draft, depending on who you cheer for perhaps comically come and gone, and free agency, well…that kinda sucked this year anyway, but golly, wouldn’t you appreciate something resembling a Cody Franson signing right about now so you could talk about it all day on twitter instead of attending to the relentless, mind numbing doldrums of your daily 9 to 5?

I know I sure would, because my life is very, very sad.

But we must push on in the absent of actual news, and someone around here has to provide you with some good ass content, and if all the big blogs out there aren’t going to do it, brother, The Canafornians have got you covered.

We’re here to provide a different, perhaps more inconsequential voice to the hockey blogosphere. Hell, some might call what we have to say downright stupid. To which I reply, fuck you.

You might say “boy you’d never see this on one of the bigger blogs”. To which I’d counter with, well duh.

This is one of those posts. Today, I present to you, complete with the lack of irony in which it was intended, If The San Jose Sharks Looked Like Actual Joses. Yes, I’m serious.

(editors note: none of the San Jose Sharks look like Jose Carreras. Apologies for the misleading title photo, opera fans)

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We’re Back! A Canafornian’s Story


Greetings, Canafornians!

*three cord guitar riff plays in background* it’s beeeeeeen awhileeeeeeeee

Okay, now that I got that out of my system, let me tell you, there has been some major changes within Canafornia since we last attempted to do any sort of writing. Granted, we actually have continued writing, but not together and for three different websites. It came to our attention that writing without each other is the worst idea that we’ve ever had, because we have so much fun when we collaborate. Plus, there are actually a handful of people who aren’t us, that actually miss this website!

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