The Calgary Flames As Actual Garys

As the NHL campaign rolls on and we inch ever closer to the chaos that is the postseason, it’s no surprise to see media publications and blogs ramp up their coverage of this beautiful game and delve deeper into what is happening across the league.

Seeing as the Canafornians are a behemoth and all three teams that we cover are having truly fantastic seasons, we are, as always, the gold standard in this regard. With every passing day (or few days or months or whatever) we here at your favourite daily (or weekly or sporadic or whatever) record add to our ever growing collection of good ass content. Assuming you’ve read our award winning series on (Things The Sharks) (Look Like), you’ll know that we are geniuses who come up with this stuff after conducting serious research and in no way are inspired by the hilariously awful content of other, nameless once great blogs who have fallen into deep disrepair.

Indeed, we, The Canafornians, the original squad of super friends hockey fblog, look to continue good assing today with the next installment of this legendary series, The Calgary Flames As Actual Garys.

Buckle up. Gary would want you to. Continue reading


The Problem With Parity

NHL commissioner Gary Bettman gestures during a question and answer session at the Calgary Chamber of Commerce in Calgary, Alta., Monday, Jan. 11, 2016.THE CANADIAN PRESS/Jeff McIntosh

“You simply scoop the child up like this, and begin draining the essence out of it.”

Once again this season the hot button topic at the GMs meeting seems to be “How To Stop The Edmonton Oilers From Hoarding All The Good Junior Players; Or We Get It Tim Murray Please Stop Calling Me At 4 O’clock In The Morning And Breathing Heavily Into The Phone”. And I understand; while the Oilers have been a suckhole for luck in terms of on-ice success, they have been astronomically lucky in terms of winning all the draft lotteries. I’d probably be sour grapes too if my team got stuck with Jack Eichel, so I feel you Tim.

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The San Jose Sharks As Actual Sans

Canafornia is well known for our Good Ass Content, that’s no secret. Our comedy transcends the parody hockey blogging market. The thing that makes our content So Good Ass is how original it is. If you recall a few months ago, Floob did a post entitled, San Jose Sharks As Actual Joses, which was inspired by absolutely nothing at all. Due to popular demand, Canafornia brings you San Jose Sharks As Actual Sans.

Brent Burns As Comic Sans

Screen Shot 2016-03-14 at 8.05.35 PM

Tomas Hertl As Horatio Sanz

Barclay Goodrow As Sans Serif

James Reimer As SAN (Storage Area Network)

Tommy Wingels As SAN (code for San Diego International Airport)

Brenden Dillon As Gill Sans


Don’t Curse The Darkness. Light A Goddamn Match


Here is a list of hard truths:

  • Your doorbell can go unrung for an entire month, right up until you’re clenching the rim of your toilet bowl deep into a number two
  • Olives are bullshit
  • The cops will not accept your argument that a body pillow with a picture of your boyfriend stapled to it makes it okay to drive by yourself in the carpool lane
  • Something about vaccines. What the fuck is up with vaccines?
  • Kris Russell is in WAY over his head a a Top 4 defenseman on your Calgary Flames
  • People in the media do not accept the truth posted above (the Kris Russell one, I think they’d agree on everything else)
  • I mentioned the olive thing, right?

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